Fuck you Cameron Smith and you other whiny bitches

I just read an article about a girls basketball team that beat a really shitty team with a score of 107-2. Here it is: http://sports.yahoo.com/blogs/highschool-prep-rally/indiana-girls-basketball-team-routs-foe-107-2-181525152.html

So, the thing I hate about these stupid yahoo news articles, besides the fact that the subject matter is usually retarded, is that the writer constantly tells you how to feel about something. In a good article you just state the facts, you don't put a dumbass spin on it, or tell people how to feel, even if it's something everyone can agree is awful, like nicole337 or chocolate skittles.

This shithead keeps telling me, over and over, that I should be absolutely fucking outraged that a team would dare play their best, kick a shitty team's ass, and not stop playing out of pity. Let me tell you something, sportsmanship is not about making retards feel good about themselves. High School is where you start learning that if you play really badly, you're going to be beaten really badly and you'll probably cry because you're a sheltered little shitface who never faces any real challenges and surrounds yourself with people who have all the exact same opinions as you on facebook so you'll never have to face the fact that people believe different things than you.

People shouldn't be outraged that a team beat another by a whole lot in a sport. They didn't break any rules or do anything wrong. If it's a continual problem that teams keep getting beaten by over 50 points and it's making retarded girls cry then there should be some system where the game is stopped after a certain lead is gained.

So here's a quote from the idiot coach of the shitty team that lost: "No it's not OK but [Bloomington South coach Larry Winters] will have to live with that," she told the Star. "If that's how they want to carry themselves, that's fine. I'm focused on me and mine and we'll just keep going."

Oh shit, watch out coach. You're going to have to LIVE with the fact that you let your team beat another one really badly and didn't stop out of pity. Athletes get coddled enough and now that it's becoming mainstream that if a team is super terrible nobody is allowed to beat them by a lot of points it's turning high school sports into the biggest retard circle jerk ever.

When I play counter strike with people and one of the teams gets stacked so it's like 5 versus 12, the bigger team isn't going to try to not win by a whole lot to make the other guys feel better. They're going to try their hardest to win because that's what you do when you're doing something competitive. Maybe the shitty team could've fought back when they were 50 points down.

And here's a fucking twitter gem. I hope this person enjoys their fucking fame and basks in it. They certainly deserve it for this commentative gem:

"This is disgraceful & a blow 2the integrity of [Indiana high school basketball]."

So what's the point of capitalizing words and including a period when you abbreviate the word "to" and frigging attach it to the next word. You might as well have not done any grammar check, it would have looked just as retarded. And, what, it's disgraceful? The only people disgraced are the retards who lost by 100 points. The fact that, according to the article, the retard team lost the last 23 games and averaged 17 points means that it wasn't a case of people being assholes, it was a case of retards not knowing what they're doing and other people doing their fucking jobs.

I know everyone is going to read this stupid article and get horrified and maybe see this shit on nbc and the retards at Arlington are going to get lots of hugs and gift cards and bullshit like that, but I hope people maybe get sick of these shitty articles telling them how to feel, and good teams keep beating bad teams by a whole lot.

Fuck you yahoo news

Read this first: http://sports.yahoo.com/blogs/the-turnstile/lance-armstrong-just-happens-pose-next-tour-france-190124213.html (And I apologize if it turns into a dead link)

So it's an article about a picture Lance Armstrong uploaded to twitter or facebook or whatever, and here's the first sentence: Now THIS is a finely-honed troll move. 

Never before have I wanted to punch somebody in the throat for being so retarded. As soon as I read that sentence I stopped the music I was listening to, stopped eating my chicken, and let out a grunt of defeat. I'm dead, congratulations internet. When I was a little kid playing flash games in 2002 I never dreamed that people could be payed to talk in such a fucking stupid manner.

Here's the second sentence: Armstrong is, of course, reclining oh-so-casually in front of the seven Tour de France jerseys he won.

Well, you put the picture up there, we can see it for ourselves you idiot. I especially love the fact that you used the term "oh-so-casually" instead of just "casually" or instead of just nothing. It's a good example of something yahoo shit-heads always do, put their dumbass opinions and unnecessary stupidity in articles that don't warrant it at all. This article isn't even necessary at all. It's just reporting that he uploaded a picture of himself, on a couch, next to the jerseys he won. Who fucking cares?

The article is really short and there isn't much else to make fun of, you could follow this asshole on twitter to see the other stupid shit he says if you want, but that first sentence is really, truly stupid. The word "troll" once referred to someone dedicated to fucking with people on the internet. It eventually changed to a word used by online gamers to refer to anything happening that they don't like (That goomba trolled me!) (This boss level loves trolling me) (That warrior is a really trollior! LOLOLO) and now it fucking refers to anything done by anyone to anyone that could possibly be interpreted as antagonistic. It's like the word "epic". It's just completely devolved and nowadays you look like a total retard for using it in any context.

Write better articles you shithead.

So there's a site out there called cracked.com. Back in like 2008 it was big with internet types as like a snarky relevant humor source you could get some good laughs out of. In recent years the articles are less "12 stupid rap song lyrics" and more "5 reasons why christians are sexist". Stuff is more politically based, preachy, badly researched, full of bad logic, full of poorly attempted "oh snap, things are completely different than the way you thought!" moments or putting link or lady gaga on the article picture to get lots of views. I'll try to start touching on why this site has turned, into more or less, the ultra left people I know on facebook circle jerking each other to articles on why republicans are even stupider than you thought and lady gaga is totally not that bad and everything is creepy/racist.

And I usually don't care at all about politics, I hate republicans and democrats but I'm going to college right now and I'm sort of expected to be some kind of athiest leftard douche, so I'm sick of this pearchy elitist bullshit everywhere on the internet. Republicans do lots of dumb things and I'm sure there's a lot of elitist assholes over there but being exposed to a constant stream of people's allegiance to a political party deteriorating their brain to a level lower than a console fanboy has left me feeling like an alien.

This article is "4 Pop Culture Arguments That Need to be Retired" by Daniel O'Brien. I think he was in some cracked videos so he's probably got some fanboys. I don't know, I just want to critique this shitty article a little.

He starts off with a space jam joke. I think it's a joke, I'm not sure. Judge for yourself. I didn't laugh.

#4: Women Aren't as Funny as Men.

This is a pop culture argument that Daniel is sick of, I guess. I've never heard this before, uhh. Do people argue about this? I guess there was a 30 rock episode about it, I've never seen that show. And, holy shit, this argument was in the New York Post as recently as June. It's just everywhere! After reading this, it comes across as just another "You assholes should stop being sexist! (I'm not)" article that Luke has cranked out like eight of. So far there's no jokes, no points made and his writing isn't entertaining. It's nice and short and easy to follow and saying that it's wrong for people to be sexist isn't something people are going to get upset at, so there you go! Easily digestible, shitty, boring writing so far. Next one:

#3: They're Making a Sequel/Remake of [X]? UGH!

Just reading the title disheartened me. I instantly knew that there was no humor to find, it's just a "we noticed a trend that you probably did!" moment. Like when some other article was complaining about people bitching about the star wars prequals/special edition changes. Like, people have legitimate points to make. George Lucas is obviously not going to read anyone's fucking complaints but it's going to happen. Complaining about people complaining about star wars or movie remakes is like bitching about people who bitch about people who post passive/aggressive stuff on facebook, or people who hate walking in the rain.There's so many sequels/remakes people are obviously going to bitch about them you idiot. I hate it when you assholes write about something so broad.

So he talks about the Die Hard remake and Evil Dead 3 trailer and how people in youtube comment sections or imdb forums or whatever are complaining stupidly. It's a Die Hard remake, people are going to complain no matter what. There's some wittiness attempted at arguing with a strawman yotube commenter I think, and it's unfunny. Hey Daniel, check out the comment section to fucking anything. I bet you can pick out any random comment and explain why they're stupid with relative ease, it's not hard dude.

#2 Books Versus Movies.


This section is just lazy and shitty so expect my commentary to follow suite. He pretty much just talks about he doesn't like the walking dead (because he's a douchebag hipster who can't enjoy anything you expect him to) and people tell him to read the comics but he doesn't wanna! Check it out, he gives some really solid arguments and makes you think!

#1 Music Today is Different!

In general, cracked articles about music have been horridly researched and thought-out, unless they're about rap lyrics or stuff like that. I think maybe Daniels works with a lot of really old people, or he thinks that most of his fanbase does or something. Nobody I know has made an argument that music is getting shittier as time goes on, I guess old people would but I'm not friends with lots of really old people.

"One day I woke up and realized the pop stars on the radio were no longer making music specifically for me. It felt like a betrayal, because suddenly the radio was alienating, and it all happened sooner than it was supposed to. Something profound changed. If it hasn't already happened to you, it will. Within the next five years, it will."

Yeah, he wrote that. Everything I once thought I knew has changed!!

And he talks about the new Taylor Swift song about never ever getting back together and how you're old because you don't like it. There's still new non-pop music coming out, right? You can get jazz off pandora I'm pretty sure. This article is deceptive because he only talks about pop and how people don't like it, but the title is "Music Today is Different!" There's lots of people who don't like pop, and never have, so this shit doesn't apply to them, and lots of people who have listened to pop for thirty years and still love it. Maybe he just wrote this article for himself.

And he ends with a silly picture of Katy Perry looking like a monster and he captioned it "AAHHHHH" so you retards will still love this shit and giggle and thumbs down any comment that gives any criticism. I went into this article with an open mind and didn't laugh, I'm so sorry. I should probably go back and format this shit better and put in silly pictures and replace the word "I" with "we" everywhere and speak to an imagined audience of fellow hipster leftard douchebags but I hate reading these shitty articles and don't want to spend any more time thinking about this crap. 

I'm going to go watch Planet of the Apes and I'll leave you with a good cracked article: http://www.cracked.com/article_16785_7-retarded-food-myths-internet-thinks-are-true.html. Compare it to a random recent article, I dare you.

And just in case you think "haha u got trolled!" the point is that this article was shitty and I'm trying to explain why I think so. If your cracked article pissed me off, good for you, you win the internet, but you're still a shitty writer. And I'm not trying to say that I'm a better writer, but a lot of people like this crap and I don't think they're entirely sure why. It's like an episode of family guy that tickles the right parts of your brain, gives you some cheap, goofy one-liners, silly jokes to giggle at and tricks you into thinking it has a message but has no real substance whatsoever.

The dumbest manga fight in the universe.

So there's a manga called Rurouni Kenshin that I read when I was like 15. It's about a samurai who used to kill a lot of people but now it's a peaceful age and he doesn't wanna kill anymore, and he has a bunch of friends who all fight bad guys. Kenshin never loses a fight and there's little to no tension because all the bad guys die and good guys are never in danger but it's good decent enough fights for a dbz type power battle whatever manga thing. There are some terrible characters and plot twists though, and one fight in particular is so bad I felt the need to write about it.

So Kenshin's team is fighting a bunch of bad guys. The weak friends are at some courtyard fighting the bad guy army while Kenshin is in the bad guy's castle killing the strong bad guys. So we get basically some filler throw-away fights while waiting for the next strong person battle, whatever. One of the good guys is this little shithead who keeps getting shoved everywhere in this damn manga. I literally can't describe his personality, he's just a little shithead. It's the only word possible to describe him. An overconfident stupid little fuck who's about five. This idiot is about to get into a fight with some really thin vampire guy who flies around using dynamite to propel him, which isn't the stupid part of the fight.

 

The vampire guy flies in the air and throws dynamite right at Yahiko's feet but he doesn't die or get injured or fucking anything.

 

Look at this shit, are you kidding me? He's pretty close to those explosions, shouldn't he get hurt a little? 

So the vampire flies down at him with some knives and cuts him, I guess. I'm not sure where, it looks like his neck or shoulder but this injury isn't brought up at all later in the fight. Yahiko doesn't have any cuts on him later, he just has like dirty cheeks while is manga code for a character being pushed in battle. This is entirely to give us a false feeling of tension, it's a bullshit cheap thing to do when it's not paid off at all later in the battle.

So the vampire guy is throwing a pack of dynamite right at him again and Yahiko is building his resolve to do something. He could just run away from the dynamite, it didn't do shit to him last time, and wait for the vampire to run out and hit him when he reaches the ground, but this fight has to have some stupid bullshit in it. And I don't know what the deal is with Yahiko's hair in the bottom left panel, it was in my downloaded manga pack.

Here's a thing that happens in like every single fucking fight in any anime manga thing ever. There's probably a stupid tv tropes word for it, but basically the bad guy thinks he's won, so you get the moment where the hero rises from what you thought was a grim defeat. There are naruto fights where they do this shit like four times. This still isn't the stupid part though. After all, how did Yahiko survive that dynamite?

What? He jumped on a door and got propelled by the explosion to fly where the vampire guy was and he hit him on the head and beat him? It's so fucking stupid. You saw that, didn't you? I couldn't make this bullshit up if I wanted to. It's a good thing that door didn't get blasted apart by the explosion, or that it didn't blast Yahiko in the wrong direction, or that it didn't knock the wind out of Yahiko making it impossible for him to either stay on the flying door, keep hold of his sword or lose the composure to hit the vampire in mid-air, or that the vampire didn't see Yahiko when he was getting blasted up and fly away, or that maybe the vampire could take a blow from a 9 year old and not get knocked out, or that he didn't get hurt from falling from 50 feet in the air.

Oh that's adorable. He beat the vampire with a sword slash that he learned from watching the main character, and it's named "To Learn by Watching Others". That's not retarded at all.

Oh I guess he did get hurt form falling, even though it doesn't affect anything, you never see him limping or getting a cast or anything. And he aged like ten years in the last panel to make the retarded fangirls squeal. What a stupid fight. It's just a dumb filler one that you're not supposed to care about but, still, you can't make a good guy pull such bullshit to beat somebody they don't deserve to beat. Even when I was 15 I still thought this fight was retarded. Screw you Yahiko, and all your dumb fans.

Hey! When I'm bored, sometimes I go to some manga website and read the names of obscure shitty manga. It's fun to do when drunk or high or whatever. Here's some I got just from skimming right now (These are all the names of manga):

"Q and A"
"Lovely Everywhere"
"Butter!!!"
"Crows"
"Rain"
"Boy of the Female Wolf"
"Aimer"
"ism/i" (wut?)
"Cosplay Animal"


When there's a fucking manga named cosplay animal you guys have ran out of ideas. These might be translated weird or whatever but those are some stupid ass names. Would you read a manga named "Silver Spoon" or "Date a Live" or fucking "ism/i"? And someone named their manga: "Again!!" I know people sometimes give stupid names to their band or movie or whatever but literally 60% of manga titles are this retarded. Also, fuck final fantasy 13. This game is about four times longer than necessary and I hate all of the characters.

Rage face stuff isn't funny just fyi. And I talk about the simpsons a little.

So there's a website, nohomers.net, it's a semi-popular simpsons message board site. It's actually been mentioned on several of the commentaries for the simpsons, a few of the showrunners have done Q&A's and it's vaguely references in some season 14 episode I think. So, I'm not a forum member but I check it once and a while because there's some genuinely funny stuff over there and you get a few intelligent conversations. I wouldn't consider myself a huge simpsons nerd but I'm a big fan of the 4-9 seasons, I've watched each episode in that range around 30 times (And another 5 times with the commentaries). 

If you're familiar with the nerdy side of the show, you might be expecting me to talk a little bit about how everyone hates seasons 11 and on, how the principle and the pauper was dumb or how Mike Scully is a retard. In short, the show has gotten worse, season 12 was kind of a low point, you get the occasional good episode but a lot of jokes are, like, stupid and a lot of a great characters aren't as funny. A lot of people who bitch about the show are kind of retarded though. I'm probably going to talk about that shit at some point but right now, this forum is just the backdrop for an important internet thing I think worth talking about.

So there's a topic at one of the main boards: "post the weirdest fanart you can find". Three posts in, you get dropped with this little gem:

That's just beautiful. You might think I'm being sarcastic, but I love this shit. This is the perfect thing if you're really depressed and just need something really stupid and strange to laugh at. I read the rest of the topic and get taken on a mad journey through the wackiest of artists that the Simpsons has thankfully touched at some point. There's some stupid shit that isn't really funny, there's some gay animeish picture of bart and sideshow bob, people keep posting that ultra-realistic simpsons thing over and over, but overall there's a ton of hilariously strange creativity on display here. And then I see this:

Some guy posts simpsons characters as those rage face things. I get the joke. Well, bart is just the megusta guy because it's funny to stick that megusta shit everywhere but I get that Ralph is pathetic and lonely in that one episode so make him the "forever alone" thing. I see these and it's a little sad, in a "I'm sick of this rage face megusta bullshit everywhere on the internet" I go through the rest of the thread, I still laugh my ass off at this masterpiece:

But seeing that bullshit smeared to yet another corner of the internet for no reason made me wonder: "All those meme rage face fuuuuuuu lonely forever things, aren't they kind of the same?" It's all pictures of people with exaggerated faces, drawn by like the same fucking guy. I get that a person just casually reading this blog who doesn't spend a lot of time on the internet might think I'm stupid for dismissing the lonely forever ralph as humor but laughing at an off-model clay simpsons family, but it's all about context. That lonely forever rage face trollolo stuff has been passed around the internet nonstop for like the last five years. It's just not funny anymore, like after the ninth time you see someone post a slightly different rage comic on facebook it's dead from overuse. If people posted a million picture of off-model clay simpsons doing silly things I would probably hate that shit too.

This is just a little example, so I think it's necessary to give an in-depth demonstration on why that fuuuuuuuu lonely forever troll comic rage bullshit is retarded and isn't funny. I went on facebook while writing this and I found this picture linked by someone: 

Pretty funny, huh? You'll notice that this isn't a typical rage comic troll face thing, it's actually better/more creative I guess and the guy at the end isn't one of the more famous exaggerated figures. It's in the rage comic format though, there's a simple stupid set-up, a silly wacky payoff and it ends with a person with a funny face saying something that's SO FUNNY IF YOU READ IT OUT LOUD IN A DRAMATIC VOICE!! It's stupid, I hate this shit so much. Do I even have to dissect this fuck heap and explain to you why this is terrible in every way possible? People didn't post this shit on my facebook wall because it's funny. I have a bunch of friends on that website from the music program at WSU, so a music student shared this because it's about musical instruments I guess.

I don't understand why they used the bamboo background for the forth panel though, all the rest of the text is on a white background. It just helps make this look like an even more sloppy, lazy, shitty mess. The blue text is weird too. The red text at the end is supposed to be dramatic I guess, but is blue supposed to like set you up for the big punchline? I guess, I dunno.

I was really wondering what the comments would be like. It's just a bunch of people saying that "brass is bettr" or "flutre rules lol :P!!" and shit like that. Nobody is talking about the joke or the pictures or the terrible choice of a bamboo background. I see that the image in question was generated by something on facebook called" Memes for band kids" I learned a long time ago that the word meme has devolved from an interesting social trend on obscure image-boards to a picture with letters in front of it that people post on facebook long ago, so it really doesn't surprise me that such stupid shit can exist. There are gems like these:

Hey it's that mordor lord of the rings joke lol

HAHA  i can relate to that because i fuxed up a solo during concert :( my braing was like trololll

I dunnno this 1 because i wasnt in pit but its still funny i guess

And the timeline photo thing is like an anime girl with a tuba. Because you gotta have anime stuff everywhere because it's cool. I dunno. I hate this shit and I hate troll faces and these pictures with words are usually not funny. When something is just utterly and absolutely uncreative I have a hard time laughing at it. I guess you're supposed to laugh at some of those meme things because they're so stupid? Maybe? I dunno. I didn't laugh at any of them. That terrible clay simpson family is hilarious though because it looks like someone genuinely put a lot of work into it.

I might post about this stuff more because it's all over the internet and it's really stupid. If I didn't want to see this stuff anymore I would have to block about half of the people on facebook and I would have to stop going to just about every website out there. Everybody out there loves this shit. Maybe you do too or you just spent ten minutes listening to me bitch about something you're just completely numb to. One last thought, if you aren't convinced that this rage trolo reddit meme face fuuuu megusta bullshit isn't terrible, please watch this:

I couldn't make it through eleven seconds. Let's look at some comments!

Well,  I enjoyed EpicGuyJake's well-constructed compliment and vampirehunter93 seems to like this video as well. Those guys seem like real winners. Maybe I'm just a stupid cynical asshole and I need to be more like McHaxorPL. I just don't know. I also enjoyed TheFirenze114's random funny xdxdolol post. Those are always funny! :)

Bye guys. I think I'm going to watch some random season 5 episodes of the simpsons to try and redevelop my sense of humor. Wish me luck!

Hey, I decided to start a blog to write about different things I think are worth giving my opinion on. Websites, video games, music all that nonsense. I'll try to be entertaining but I have sort of a strange groups of interest areas so I wouldn't recommend reading unless you happen to share most of my interests or you're very open-minded to hearing an idiot ramble on about things you have little interest in. A few things I might write about in the future: People's behavior on facebook, shitty cracked.com articles, shitty yahoo.com articles, achievement grinding in xbox games, circle jerking communities on youtube (Metaphorically), things I hate about popular rock radio stations, certain videos games that are fun and others that aren't and why, bitching about my computer problems, dissection of music I really like maybe, ect. If any of that stuff interests you, I'll probably write about it all at some points so stay tuned.

Who am I? I'm some guy from Minnesota going to school to be a musician. It's going to probably end with me being 37 and finally becoming good enough to play three shows with an obscure band that once opened for the Scorpions or something pathetic like that. Until then, I can live in my diluted world, practicing guitar a lot and watching people play video games fast and maybe watching somebody make fun of a bad anime movie or something. I'm not sure how good of a writer I am. I think it's readable, I hope it's funny and maybe informative. I'll also try to post funny pictures and stuff, not like stupid rage comic troll face bullshit but genuinely funny stuff.

Now you know a little bit of what to expect. Stay tuned internet!